Edited my The Greater Columbus Arts Council (GCAC) and The Columbus Film Council (CFC) Media Arts Fellowship Grant DVD demo. Wow, that was a mouthful. I was a finalist last year, and this is only the 3rd year of these grants. Thereís three $1,500 grants and one $3,500 grants and none of the winners from the past 2 years can submit again yet, so mathematically, my odds have increased.
After the events of this past week and the startling self revelation, I have decided to take 30 days off Facebook. Starting September 1st, 2013, I will go the entire month without visiting or posting on the site. Life before social media seems like a dream. I need to prove to myself that I donít need it. I truly do want to change and be a better man.
I donít want to fight anyone anymore. I am trying so hard to have peace. I can ignore almost any insult from most. My ego destroyed, my sense of self worth diminished. Before that reads too depressing, Iím still somewhat positive. My spirit soars at the idea of hope, no matter how faint or far away.
Making movies is like going to war. There are generals, there are pawns, and equipment help the scope of a production. Iím going to war soon. I plan on fighting many battles, big and small. All of them will result in attrition and victory, love and hate, or history and oblivion. The enemy is yourself and the aforementioned ambition.
IMDB updated with some long overdue FRAMELINES credits. Been meaning to do this for months and months, finally got them entered. It helped me, as my free music makes it seem like I am primarily a Ďcomposerí, even though I am not composing any music for anyoneís movies. The PRODUCER and DIRECTOR credits for FRAMELINES bumps me up proper as a filmmaker again. Not that I was worried, but it is cool to see it corrected. More credits for the new episodes entered as well.
My mood is as indecipherable as an enigma deep fat fried and smothered in secret sauce at the moment. Today will go down as one of the most strange and confusing of my life. I am ecstatic, happy, sad, mourning, pleased, content, unhappy, wallowing, lamenting my age, happy with where I am, missing something, feeling accomplished yet completely dissatisfied with the amount I have finished.
I donít know if blind optimism is a side effect, but Iím going with it right now. Not a lot is bothering me at the moment. Iím chipping away at each little and big project a notch at a time. Whether itís shooting, planning a shoot, editing, working on images for the graphics, or simply walking in the park whilst letting my mind wander to ideas and creativity, itís all working towards the goal. Making more movies of any kind.
Got 3 new tech tip hosting segments shot yesterday. No, I have not lost any significant amount of weight even though Iíve increased my walking and running. Iíve even curbed my fried food and soda intake. Iím even lowering the total amount of food I eat. I am healthier on many levels, but the size isnít affected yet. I need to add free weights and upper body to make a dent methinks. The delicate balance is not wanting to be vain whilst also trying to look good for camera.
Rambled in my editing like my mind was on fire. Couldnít stay with any one project for more than a few minutes at a time. I had to jump around from After Effects to Photoshop to Premiere. I walked a few miles, talked on the phone a lot and wanted to come to terms with where my head and my heart are taking me. I had one of those moments of clarity. I have found a deal of peace in acceptance.
Getting back into the groove. I should have some new material finished and out there in the next few days. I feel great again. I took that depression and kicked its ASS. Now Iím going to take malaise out back and beat it with a tire iron. Is it actually a good thing to have metaphorical violence against concepts and emotions?
NOW my head is getting back into the game! I came up with a few concepts and ideas for things Iíve been struggling with for a while. Something as basic as a faux scene for a FRAMELINES demonstration video. I came up with 3 scenarios and those can get shot REALLY fast and soon. Having FRAMELINES has me really jazzed right now. Itís invigorating to see it being broadcast on TV and also hear about people catching it.
After a good nights sleep, I feel much better, if that means I had insomnia from sleeping all day and my ass hurts as I run out of pain killers which helped me sleep. I almost edited. I came really close. I had the program open and looked at footage. Then I was distracted by the color blue for about 10 minutes and had to take a nap.
Even with percocets, I canít sleep. Had a little medical procedure last night, so sitting is mildly uncomfortable and I need to take a day to recover. The doctors say I should be fine by tomorrow if not later tonight. I am greatly relieved to put this behind me. I feel like my body has terrorized me enough for the last year or so.
FRAMELINES is being loaded on the PBS server so other stations can air the episodes. Weíre discussing the wrap party plans tomorrow. 16 episodes done. Thatís huge. Weíve got material for a few more episodes. Iím going to start plotting out the segments and finalizing episodes soon for that.
Trying to remain positive is the hardest thing right now. From the moment I wake up to when I lay my head on my lumpy pillow; I am struggling to stay optimistic. Today was a much better day. No reason at all why it should be. A lot of things went bad terrible wrong today, and yet I was in a better place. Maybe it was laying on my bed with the cats, or maybe it was talking to a lot of old friends on the phone, or maybe it was the way I slept on my arm. Who knows? What matters is that my attitude has taken a turn towards the affirmative.
Going to speak at the Adobe Users Group. The topic Iím speaking on will be organization. This week that will be incredibly ironic given the disarray my personal and professional life is in, but at least there will be some cosmic humor in it. Some celestial beings can mock my struggles as I move across the chessboard that is life.
I have been letting my dreams affect me a lot lately. Analyzing what the riddles mean, acting on alleged information I glean from feelings. Last weekend I had a truly disturbing dream, one that has haunted my waking life. I canít get it out of my head, no matter what I do. I think I know now what it means, and soon I will have to have a hard talk with a good friend.
Got all 16 episodes of FRAMELINES on tape with Closed Captions. Delivering them on Monday morning for broadcast. Itís a huge deal to have the entire first season delivered and airing, plus a few new episodes. Thatís 8 hours of content created total. Thatís a lot of material any way you look at it.
As miserable as I felt last night, I went and taught an editing seminar for the Westerville Public Library. Teaching a lot at the school, as well as years of editing classes Iíve taught meant I could sleep walk through this kind of thing. I didnít, as I always get jazzed when I teach. It could wake me from a coma to teach about the things I love. I just wish I could put into practice the things I taught.
I had no idea just how subjective reality can be. How 2-3 people can see the same exact same thing and remember it entirely different. It reminds me of the great Akira Kurasawaís movie RASHOMON. That movie spawned a great deal of knock offs and still does. Itís the same story from 4 points of view and more gets revealed every time. The influence of Kurasawa over cinema history can never be underestimated.