Iím going back to Wadsworth soon. I know I was just there. Iím looking for answers in the past. Maybe looking back can help me find my way forward. Right now, Iím willing to try anything, ANYTHING to get out of my funk. Plus it never ever hurts to have Marieís Pizza.
Holding true to my promise to watch one movie a night. I think movies are like dreams. The great Walter Murch often spoke on the idea that motion pictures mimic the human experience with sight and sound. The only aspect that made no sense for our daily experience was editing. Our daily lives are continuous and constant. In dreams however, we jump from one place to another in an instant and we accept it. That makes editing in movies akin to our subconscious dreamstate. I believe in this theory wholeheartedly.
Already planning an escape. Later this fall, I need to get away. Not sure exactly what Iím gonna do, but I know that I must get rest, take time away from everything, and just chill out. Got a few pieces of bad news yesterday, so just when I think things canít get much worse, there is always a way. I swear God is a woman and I had to have dated her in high school.
FTP ainít working the way itís supposed to. Trying to get these files where they need to go and the Ďputer ainít cooperatiní. Makes me frustrated. Really frustrating with deadlines staring down at me. What good is fast internet at home if the files all reset as soon as they get done?
Good news? The 2 new Cell Phone Monologues are set to premiere at the Film Festival of Columbus. The bad news? Iím teaching that night and cannot attend. Worse news? Iím not on Facebook to promote the screenings. I donít even have regular emails for more than half the crew and even one of the cast members. FYI - A cast member of a monologue is a pretty significant percentage of the cast...
So, after 9 days, Facebook starts emailing me. Iím getting messages stating ď9+ friends have posted statuses, photos and moreĒ Thanks Captain Obvious! Was I under the mistaken impression that the world stopped moving just because I wasnít logging in? These emails remind me of a crack dealer showing up at a rehab center to makes some sales.
I canít get my head back in it. I have things to do, a long list of projects, and I canít seem to get my brain back into the mode of doing any of it. Iím all alone in this dark place, like Iím locked in a basement with no windows. No, this isnít about Facebook. Thatís just an illusion of connectivity whereas it really just separates people from actual human interaction, the kind we all need to survive.
Started the fixed Closed Captions out to tape, working them in-between the big job. Found out why one episodes got rejected - it had the wrong captions for the wrong episode! That was bad. Not sure how many deaf filmmakers are watching the show, but Iím incredibly sorry about that. Got to get back to finishing some new episodes soon.
And life rolls on. ĎConnectingí with people virtually through a machine via sites like Facebook isnít really connecting as much as a filtered interface where you can pretend to be something you arenít to impress people who are equally creating a facade. Now I donít have a girlfriend or a family or kids to fill my time, so sadly I miss the superficial relationships because they are better than nothing. Or are they?
Hereís a terrible realization. Iím no longer particularly relevant. Less than a week off Facebook and itís as if I donít exist in most peopleís lives, even those I was somewhat a part of for a time. Strangely, this has nothing to do with my sabbatical from the Face, but a revelation that Iíve been coping with for a few years. I used to be notorious, as in the things I did were spoken of by many. Thatís not necessarily a good thing.
I actually LOGGED IN to the post apocalyptic hellscape that is Myspace yesterday. Thatís how bored I am online without Facebook. Thereís nothing there. Itís just an empty soulless place where profiles go to die. I think Myspace needs to be re-classified as ANTI-social media. Even emo goth kids canít find it retro and hang out there. NO ONE is on Myspace. Even spammers have stopped using the site.
Still no Facebook, no cheating. This must be what a ďtimeoutĒ feels like. My parents were of the era when they used to paddle kids for being bad, so I have no clue what the non-violent parenting model feels like. I hate texting, so Iím really not getting communication from the outside world. As long as I can take my 55Ē TV and surround sound, Iím ready to be Amish! Still, I am finding time for other things long put off.
I deleted the link to Facebook from my shortcuts. It was just too easy to accidentally hit it. I mean actually accidental, not Iím pretending itís an accident so I can cheat accident either. I feel like I just locked myself in a closet. Itís terrifying how much Facebook was mistaken for actual human interaction. Iím barely past the 36 hour mark and already I have no idea what is going on in the lives of people I vaguely know that I donít care enough about to use my phone to call.
No Facebook for 30 days. So far so good. I have a routine. Wake up, feed cats, check email,
log in to facebook, check webstats, and read some news. Removing #3 wasnít that big a deal today. Iíve got so much work to do for the paid job that Iím working on a Sunday and on a holiday Monday. The needless distractions that the Facebook offers is less interesting than a DVD on the making of a movie.
Another Closed Captioning Crisis resolved. It didnít take that long, but it was a headache and a half. The solution was to use a standard DV timeline, turning off the Mercury Playback Engine of the NVIDIA card and to roll back the IEEE1394 driver to a pre-64bit legacy driver. It exponentially increased render times from HD to SD, but it worked. The captions via Firewire seem to be incredibly accurate and sharp. FRAMELINES is saved by the dilligent efforts of the Sonnyboo Intern Army and a google search.
So all the work done on the closed captioning over the last year has a major snag. There are Ďdropoutsí, meaning whole sentences that arenít making the cut. Because of broadcast standards and practices, this is unacceptable. Now I have to figure out how to fix it. Whilst working on my semi-annual biggest project that means I have to work 10-12 hour days. Not exactly the greatest distraction I was looking for, but it will suffice for now.
Great literature brings great comfort in times of need. ďDo not be afraid. Our hope cannot be taken from us; It is a giftĒ - or ďto him that is pitiless the deeds of pity are ever strange and beyond comprehensionĒ ring in my head and give illumination in the darkness of this time.
Every year I read J.R.R. Tolkien's Silmarillion. I donít just read it, I totally geek out and go into the BOOK OF LOST TALES, UNFINISHED TALES, and CHILDREN OF HURIN to make it a somewhat complete reading experience. This is both my favorite book of all time, and contains my singular favorite story of all time.
Taking a short break from the big edit job, I finished another podcast episode that was looming. Iíd been chipping away at this for weeks, a little bit each day. Itís still months behind schedule. I got it done and put it out today. I donít have time to market it as I normally would. That takes time and time is not my friend right now. The Adobe After Effects animation was simple enough.
After 2 weeks of solid recovery, my health just took a serious nosedive. Last night I went to the park for the 4 mile walk. It felt great, my stamina was up, my speed increased, and I thought it was an improvement. I get home, and my ankle was a little sore and it spiralled into the most painful attack of gout Iíve had in years. I couldnít sleep and none of my medications put a dent into the pain.