Okay, next short film shoot is scheduled. That might be my last hope in some ways. Lately, it seems that life is robbing me of all the little (and even some big) pleasures. I used to get giddy at the completion of an edit, any edit. Could be for a client, could be a podcast, a FRAMELINES segment, and most especially at the end of an entire episode of FRAMELINES. I completed several segments, podcasts, and even 5 whole episodes and nothing. Nada. Niente. What the hell?
Every few months I go to screen some stuff I’ve worked on with peers. I always have a good time, but there’s usually some kind of buzz from screening stuff I finished with an audience. Last night, nothing. Total blank for me. I loved talking to people and seeing their work, but my own? It evoked a flatline.
What the hell? This notion that terrified me, is that I had a shot of novocaine in my soul. The last resort is making the short film. It has been years since I made anything narrative and if this doesn’t crack the ice, then I will be at a loss as to explaining why nothing in life gets me truly excited anymore.
I believe it is simply that my ambitions have been lowered, and I need to raise them. I must strive for loftier goals again. Life is never supposed to be easy. Feeling alive even less so. I shan’t give up hope. This just kinda sucks right now.
”I'm not gonna lie to you Something is missing We don't have to make believe Nothing is gone We've had the time To see where we're going But we're a long way off From knowing why [Chorus] I can't remember the last time You looked me in the eye I can't remember a way to Make you cry” - The Thornsl