The last year or so of my life has been pretty darn good. I am enjoying life on a semi-daily basis for so many reasons. I am keeping busy, doing work for myself, my clients, and teaching my students. I have a home that I love deeply. The core group of friends I choose to spend time with elevate me and provide support.
At the moment, I need to indulge the need to vent a little about people that have become an irritant. I’m not a lovable teddy bear. This is known to me. Contrary to psycho blogs you might read, I do not initiate contact with the nutjobs that become obsessed with me. I do not email or call these imbeciles. That doesn’t seem to stop them from reaching out to me.
I actually do worry about one or more of these obsessed freakshows actually showing up in person. Especially when they think I have bribed the police, district attorneys, and the government in order to stop their film careers.
Why? Who am I? I have a TV show on PBS in Ohio. I’ve gotten a few articles published with a few magazines. I made a sub-par feature film about Nazi Zombies and Werewolves. Tis bhese things don’t really combine into what most people would call “success”, and certainly are not the end game for my goals.
In the last several years I mellowed my online presence. I don’t get into fights on sites. I refuse to involve myself in the alleged “community” of filmmakers locally, as it is not conducive to any goals I have set. All I care about is making movies, promoting movies, then rinse and repeat.
And being robbed of adult conversation or maturity, I still feel the need to vent and express myself. Some people are so detached from reality, and say the most absurd things, I cannot hold my tongue any longer.
When someone tries to convey their emotional state by telling me to watch a specific episode of a crappy 1990’s fantasy TV show – I don’t think I’m being harsh enough by saying – SEEK PSYCHIATRIC HELP IMMEDIATELY. I have never tried to explain how I feel by saying, “Fast forward to that scene in STAR WARS when Luke tried to convince Han Solo to rescue Princess Leia“.
I keep opening doors, giving people the benefit of the doubt, a chance to show they aren’t completely selfish morons, but they never seem to walk through. I’m torn between two principals; the first being “Do the Right Thing, even if they don’t deserve it“, and the other “People have to be held accountable for their actions“.
And when you deny reality to create the magical world you live in just to avoid responsibility? That probably isn’t reality. That means you are cray-cray and you need to go away-way to a room with rubber walls and a shirt with long sleeves.
I’m cursed. I have these adoring fanatics who hate me, and people from my past that are actually more insane than the obsessed ones. My curse is fascination. These behaviors are so foreign to me and I crave understanding. Since I am not crazy, it makes their lack of logic a mystery to me.
All I can do is keep making movies as I do.
“When you sleep, I will creep into your thoughts like a bad debt
That you can’t pay, take the easy way and give in”