Hmmm, tried to pick up this shot last night. The slider dolly, although really cool, cannot get the shot I want. That means going back to get this shot again with a real dolly on track. I do not want to compromise. “Good Enough” are not words I want to live by. Who really aspires to “Good Enough“? When you order a meal or watch a movie, are you really looking for “Good Enough“? I’ve accepted “Good Enough” far too many times and it is reflected in the work when I did. This has been a really crappy week. I let stupid things get under my skin. I have too much going on to let that happen again. I just want to put my anger and unresolved issues behind me, to keep focused on all the things I want to get done while I can.
At the same time, I don’t want to compromise too far just for the sake of having something complete. I want to improve, to make better movies than what I made before. I don’t compare myself to other filmmakers, as that is a ludicrous proposition. I can only compare myself to where I was, where I am, and where I will be. I know I can do better and that’s the only level I will accept.
I’ve had one whole shoot I’ve had to trash because it was nowhere near the level of quality I wanted. It was an enormous step backwards for me, so I trashed it before it ever got edited. It could not be salvaged. It was another of those blows to my ego that kept me sunk into depression. That is 100% my own fault, no one elses. Making the decision to not release this was one of the hardest and important. My bar was raised, and not in a bad way.
As related, I was not willing to compromise the shot last night. Patience, my new habit forming, will let me get what I want and make the movie better. That’s the summation; I want to make better movies.
Lordy, it’s hard to stay on the right track. I have hatchets to bury, lemons to make into lemonade, and doors to close.