Someone poked the sleeping bear. Waking up can be the hardest thing we do in life. Opening our eyes, our hearts, and standing up often times feels impossible. For me the last few years have felt like it was insurmountable to feel good about myself and what I want to do. From lofty heights the fall crushes all the harder. I had been a beacon of positivity at some point. It changed slowly and methodically. The “can do” attitudes eroded into malaise. I do not blame anyone but myself. Spending all my time with the negativity and allowing it into my pores is my own fault.
Enough is enough. I chose to leave that behind me. It hasn’t been easy but this was the right thing to do. I am not going to spend time wallowing for the worthless and unworthy. My life is my own. No one else is responsible for my choices or my situation.
I can make it on my own. I can live my life alone. It hasn’t been that bad so far, as I’ve been through worse and this has just been a detour on the real path life has in store for me. I’m on the verge of real self discovery. With all I’ve been through in my life thus far, very little scares me any more.
Some people you meet in life have little to no value. They drag you down, make you feel worthless, and all because you wanted to do good for them. If they aren’t going to be there for you, then screw those losers. They aren’t worth rat semen and wasting your time worrying about them is akin to collecting urine in jars, but the pee has more value than people like that. There are people that have cancer in their soul and that’s their own price to pay.
I want to feel things again. I want to share the laughter I’ve been discovering in the tiny moments of everyday. I want to create things and share that too. Time to stand up, take a few steps forward, and don’t look for something that isn’t there. Nothing can stop me but me. If I haven’t turned up the noise in a while, maybe I’ll ring a bell or two.
I feel great, physically and emotionally. I cured the metaphorical cancer in my life. That’s worth being happy about.