Good news? The 2 new Cell Phone Monologues are set to premiere at the Film Festival of Columbus. The bad news? I’m teaching that night and cannot attend. Worse news? I’m not on Facebook to promote the screenings. I don’t even have regular emails for more than half the crew and even one of the cast members. FYI – A cast member of a monologue is a pretty significant percentage of the cast… Yuppers, it’s official. I’m in a state of depression again. When screenings and editing my own stuff doesn’t cheer me up even a little, that means I’m in a deep slump. The cats can still perk my attitude right up still, but that’s fleeting.
I don’t have any idea what I’m holding on to at this moment. I’m scrambling to find something to believe in, something to care about. Nothing springs to mind. It feels like that sliver of hope dissipated into the dark.
All I had was my brain, the cold calculating thought maker. When I can’t trust that, when I can be so wrong about so many things, then what do I really have? For the first time in my life I feel less than worthless. I feel like I am a hindrance to the world. I thought I was doing good, that I had become something better than what I was. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I am the monster and don’t deserve peace.
“Found a strand of your hair by the bathroom window, How am I ever gonna get U off my mind? Love is strong, however long, We should’ve been 4ever, How am I ever gonna fill this empty room?”