FTP ain’t working the way it’s supposed to. Trying to get these files where they need to go and the ‘puter ain’t cooperatin’. Makes me frustrated. Really frustrating with deadlines staring down at me. What good is fast internet at home if the files all reset as soon as they get done? I think I found my breaking point. I’m broken. Working insane hours, 12-14 hour workdays. Still walking, even when it hurts and hurts a lot. I think I’m sleeping well, but I never feel like I’ve gotten any rest. Anxieties eat my soul, or what’s left of it.
I still like dreaming, when I’m asleep. Seems like there is a better place for me when I’m not awake. I have a better sense of purpose at night, wandering from scenario to scenario.
There was a time when I dreaded sleep. Chronic nightmares would keep me from sleeping at any cost. Now, I crave the rest and the blissful time away from this world I live in now. At least movies can take me away again. I’ve been good at watching movies which I have been avoiding for years now.
“So why do you fill my sorrow, with the words you’ve borrowed, From the only place you’ve known? If it means nothing to you, why do you sing with me at all?”
― Damien Rice