Working and two classes to teach at the same time. It makes for stress and a side order of additional stress. Teaching requires being “[i]on[/i]”, as in I feel like I expend a spiritual energy and let it emanate from my pores and burns like a light. Making sure that the information gets disseminated means the world to me. What’s the point if someone doesn’t understand the concept you’re trying to teach? There’s always an amount of attrition. Some people either don’t or are incapable of understanding. It’s my mission to make that amount the lowest possible. If I have to invent a new metaphor to make it palatable, I will.
No, I’m still not feeling better. MRSA broke out in several new places. I can’t seem to get ahead of it. It wears me out. As my body tries to fight off infection, it makes me tired all day and the pain makes sleep less consistent.
Trying to hold onto what little positivity I gain whilst writhing in pain presents the daily challenge of my life right now. It seems the pain doubles when happiness cuts in half. Yes, I do pray for death on a semi-daily basis. Change is slow. Things will get better eventually. It’s hard to look forward to those days when your health threatens to not let you even get to the halfway point.
The path I have chosen isn’t an easy one. Fighting a lifetime of negative reinforcement, taking it all on alone, and not having the resources to easily tackle any option – all culminate into a really tough future.
One step at a time. I guess. I’m not gonna lie. This sucks. Might as well get to it.
“To get a dream of life again a little vision of the start and the end but all the choirs in my head sang NO”
― Florence + the Machine