Well, I’m now booked to teach a class at the very time I intended to have a little get together celebrating my return to Facebook. And I can’t get online to cancel it. Oh well. At least I finally got to look at the footage from Thursday and it looks great. Luckily in focus since I could barely see and far more interesting was the exposure since I was aiming for a seriously moody, dark look. I was terrified I underexposed and all we’d see are black blobs moving across the screen. I’m getting my ass kicked by work right now. So much to do, not enough time in the day. I’m getting seriously burned out. I have little on my mind outside of these in and out points and how to mix and match cuts. My obsessions inhibit the need to have a life outside of them. I just don’t care about a lot in the world. Of course, there are the cats, but already people think my love of the felines crossed into unhealthy a while ago. Crazy-Cat-Man indeed.
Although I’ve added a gym membership and work out into my schedule, all that does is wear me down even more. I love swimming. The feeling of floating and moving like that gets me into a near-trance. The weights and boxing come very hard for me. Not my natural state.
Maybe the vacation I have planned in a month or two will save the day. Again. Last year I went to Florida for a week and it did me a lot of good. This year, same plan at almost the same time. Taking a week and doing nothing, nothing at all, recharges the batteries a bit. Sitting on a beach, reading a book, sleeping a lot, not worrying or working, sounds like a lot of fun right now.
I’m not there yet. Lots of FTP uploads, re-edits, transcoding, and edits await me today and tomorrow and Monday and so on. Plus classes to teach. What am I slogging through all this for? Where am I headed?
There’s no pot of gold at the end of the rainbows, kids. The journey can be its own reward. The work itself can be fulfilling. I don’t know that I have an exact answer. I’m not a sheep and I’ve never followed the crowd just because; there has always been a thought process even when conventional.
Right now, in THIS moment, I’m trusting my instincts. I’m listening to a disembodied voice, talking me through this rough time like a spirit guide. I’m reminded of a vision I got in a dream, of walking through a rocky canyon in a desert, surrounded by thousands of skeletons and a bright, white angel with wings holding me as I collapsed, ready to give up. That’s where I am right now.
“All you need is love, love is all you need”