God it’s so hard to maintain my positive attitude. When you deal with the illogical and irrational this world throws at you, beginning to question the universe and how you fit in it. Almost all of the good will and excitement of the shoot from last weekend were nearly swept away by a simple misunderstanding, one that reveals what people are really like. One of the things that most people have to face is responsibility. By living in the society, you are bound by laws and when you benefit from the giant bureaucratic machines many perks, inevitably you have to pay the small prices. Pay your bills and the electricity clicks on and the heat stays all heaty. Take out a loan, you gotta pay it back. This isn’t rocket science, or at least I didn’t think you needed to be an employee of NASA to grasp these basic concepts of life.
I’m just glad that a small bump in the road didn’t deter me much. It’s annoying and frustrating, but the train didn’t get derailed. I’m still teaching, editing for work, and now writing voice overs for Framelines and a few other projects. Making the shot lists and scheduling some shoots soon too. Now I know I’m feeling better. All of 2 months ago, I’d have been so rattled nothing would get done for days outside of the essentials.
What I think I’ve learned most about the last 6 months of my life is that I really am better off now. I’ll take a little lonely over a scary amount of crazy and a whole lotta lack of love. I really am better off. I was wondering when that feeling was going to kick in and it just did.