Epiphany

So there’s a big brouhaha on the Book of Face. One guy publicly posted about a bunch of private stuff that happened between him and someone else, which spiralled into a few other people and what THEY did too. Now everyone’s mad. And our film community is being out in the mix. Now I know all of the individuals involved in this. I’ve heard the stories and talked to each one of them directly.

I have two bits of advice. #1. They should talk to each other and try to work everything out. Talking to someone directly almost always leads to a resolution. #2. Even if you’ve already gone to the person directly, DON’T POST IT ON FACEBOOK.

Now #2. may be more than a bit hypocritical coming from me. Not only do I have a long history of this exact behavior, even in the solicitations to Ye Olde Blog, but coming from someone who HAS this history I have a lesson.

Don’t be me. Not because it’s as glamorous as this blog portrays but because I paid a hefty toll. Listen up kids, it’s story time!

For the last 14 years I have been on the Internets. Before there was Facebook, before there was Myspace, there was a place called Ohiofilmvideo.com (now dead, much like Michael Landon). When someone wronged me or I felt someone was doing something bad, I posted about it openly on the internets. I made enemies. What a shock! I was notorious, loved and hated and feared all at once.

Cut to one year ago and I did something stupid. I had a problem with my girlfriend of 10 years. She did something awful, as if everyone doesn’t do something terrible to each other in a relationship. I took it to the Facebook. Yes, I did it because I was hurt, and pissed and needed to cry for help. IT DIDN’T MATTER. What I did was wrong, so very wrong.

This is the point – because of my long history of doing these types of things, I lost the love of my life. She won’t even speak to me. I’m basically like the devil to her. I am paying for what I did for all these years. It’s karma. I wronged many people in this way and the price was losing the most important thing I ever had in my life, her. I have gone through a lot of serious shit this past year, and I did it alone not because she was evil but because I screwed up.

In speaking with each of the individuals of the DRAMA OF THE WEEK, I tried to convey the severity of continuing the same path I took. Let me assure you, it ain’t worth it. No matter what was said or done to you, posting about it on social media will never be right. There is no justification that surpasses the posting of hurtful statements, no matter how true from your point of view. It’s fodder for the public in the short term and no one cares – except those who matter most – later on.

To my ex girlfriend, I give the most heartfelt apology. No words will ever equal my wrongs. I know better than to believe this will mean reciprocation, but I’m sorry anyway. I cannot grow without learning from my mistakes, trying to share that, and making amends. Maybe I can get some solace if reading this prevents someone from making the same mistake I made. It cost me a lot, and it wasn’t worth it.

I’ve had an epiphany this past few days because of being on the sidelines of this. I am going to be a lot more conscientious of what I post anywhere from now on. I can promise that I will fail from time to time, but I swear I will endeavor to be a better man.

Peace be with you all, my friends.

“You fell in love with a broken heart, every earthly breath, a lifeless testimony”
– Robert Downey Jr., BROKEN

This became far more prescient than I ever imagined in retrospect…