How do you keep going? When you learn how little time there can be, or how someone may not always be there; what makes us move forward? Once I was told that I was neither planned nor wanted. All this time I knew that my life was my own and no one elses. I’ve made good and bad decisions, just like everyone else. I’m not keeping a tally of how much of each. Right now I feel like I am on a razor’s edge. With all the positive events, I can be so easily derailed. For every great thing, like an Emmy nomination, my health will zap away all of it in a few short hours. Pain in my abdomen, or a skin irritation; things that used to be so small now tear me apart. So odd that my soul can go to pieces with my body.
I just have to keep my focus. It can be so hard. There’s just a hole in my life. I don’t fully know what it is. It vexes me because I don’t know what is exactly. Other than a few potentially fatal health conditions, everything else seems to be going well for me.
I’m not depressed. I don’t get nearly so down as I used to. I do still get numb, the novacaine in my soul returns. Luckily, the cure seems to be getting work for myself done. I have so much to do. It just feels like time is not my friend.
I shoot more, piling upon the work that needs edited. I lack the time to properly finish what I am starting. The Obsessive-Compulsive side grates against the stack. Few things drive me more nuts than having movies that sit unfinished, or things I promised to do that remain unfulfilled (Hello, Accidental Art, I did not forget you).
Lorenzo has been tearing the condo apart as I’ve been teaching and working long hours. I thought he was mad. Turns out it was just a firefly he’s trying to catch. The little booger makes me laugh so hard. I can’t be mad at him no matter what he does. He’s too adorable and loving.
YOUTUBE CLIP FOR PJR BLOG: