So I guess this year I am a GCAC Artist Fellowship in Media Finalist. I went to the open judging panel for this. I knew I was in the top 12, but they only really have a top 9, so I was the first submission cut, so I went ahead and left. I wasn’t bitter or angry, as judging any art is incredibly subjective. Last year I got angry for about 2-3 days that I didn’t make the top 9 at least. Then I got over it. I went ahead and submitted again this year because I want to see this grant program last. It does good for other people, so I want to support something like this.
The judges from this year and last year have a love for the more abstract, arty films. Narrative seems to be almost shunned, but you know what? That’s okay. Not everyone likes the same kind of movies, and one of the surest things you can do as an artist yourself is accept the notion that not everyone everywhere is going to love or even like your work. Get used to it.
I am not remotely affected by people online saying, “You suck!” or “You should quit making movies because you have no talent!” I guarantee you that every single successful filmmaker on the planet has been told those very same things. I don’t make movies for other people. I make them because I don’t feel I have a choice but to tell the stories I have to tell. It drives me, or at least drove me in the past.
My hypothesis is that they believe I am egotistical to the point where anyone who dislikes my film will somehow anger me. This assumption of arrogance and ego towards me is confusing. I believe a lot of these people that make those kinds of comments on YouTube or other sites about my movies are just the folks who think that making derogatory statements will upset me or anger me or do something that I can’t quite put my finger on. My pride in my work doesn’t blind me to the flaws that I see myself in everything I’ve done, nor does it cause me to waiver in my subjective opinion about what I do like and prefer.
People can go ahead and keep on posting whatever they want, say whatever they want, and feel however they want to feel about me or my movies. I have movies that people can talk about, love or hate, so I will always have that.
Now if only I could get to the point of MAKING another movie on my own…