Clearly, I did not win an Emmy. It was such a great night, though. To see so many of my friends win, that was worth it all right there. I have no bitter grapes over the experience. To be with people I like, having such fun, makes for a memorable time. I know that this was good because after those first couple minutes of disappointment, I never really thought about it much after that. I spent all day Sunday alone, doing little, and it never entered my mind. Back to the grindstone as it were. I must keep working. I have so much to do and what feels like a limited window to complete my lists. I’ve gotten to some minor editing, but my head hurts and it’s harder to stay focused with physical pains.
It started on Wednesday, and hasn’t let up much since. My stomach hurt on the inside, now I have MRSA on the outside of my stomach, today I got my first attack of gout in 10 months, and walking or sitting causes pain. Pretty much any movement feels like I’m being stabbed by a knife somewhere on my body.
I still have to work. I can’t afford not to go teach or get some editing done. And what’s most important to me is my own projects too. I have to take a little time to myself. And I feel like shit. It’s a conundrum.
We tried again to get the pickup shot done on the Cell Phone Monologue only to get rained out. Ugh. It’s like nature and time do not want that piece to get finished. Soon. It will be done.
All I want to do is hang on to the good feelings of late. That’s a lot harder when the body tears you apart. I don’t want to lose hope. All that I have left is dangling by a thread, a tiny thread that I cling to in these moments. The mantra given to me in a dream. Be a better man.