In Poland at Aushwitz I remember seeing this sign over the gates, a most horrifying lie, but in the context of my own life it rings true – WORK SHALL SET YOU FREE. Sometimes I feel like Mickey Mouse in Fantasia, a magician manipulating colors and pictures and sound into something special. I’m editing on the 4th of July. What I want to do most in life is make movies. Yesterday I was in a pretty fallow place again, but two things came to the rescue. One, little Lorenzo jumped on the bed, as only my booger can do, he rolled all over me, purred, and made me laugh. Laughter cures so much in life.
The second thing was teaching. I almost called off I felt so bad, but decided I need to work no matter what. The class was doing their hardest project of the 1 year course. Things leading up to this were sketchy at best. I had never taught this particular group before and didn’t have a history or a proper introduction. In the end, last night, all my troubles went away for a few hours as the individuals came together as a team.
Getting up to shoot at sunrise tomorrow. I hate mornings, but this week I haven’t even been going to sleep at 7:00AM. This will complete the Cell Phone Monologue tomorrow because color correction follows immediately after and the final sound mix is in. I wrote this in Fall of 2011 and didn’t shoot it until a few weeks ago.
In the past year, I’ve changed so much. I’m way cleaner. I’ve gotten back to a constant wall of work, and I whack away at it. I take better breaks to keep from burning out. I’ve shed so many of my bad habits.
I had a powerful dream/nightmare over a year ago. I’m not big on dream interpretation 99% of the time, but this was different. What I got from the dream was a simple statement, one that has dominated my subconscious – Be a Better Man. These words ring in my head all the time, beating like a drum when I think about doing something bad. I don’t always succeed in this, but more often than not, I have become a better man. It doesn’t hurt that I had a pretty low bar to start from.