Your faithful narrator is a little blue right now. I can’t explain it. Things are going so well. My brain is active; my body not too far behind with all the walking still. Teaching again, infecting the minds of students with my methods. A television show about to start airing a lot more often soon. It seems like everything is going my way. And yet, I’m unhappy. I’m working through this, in that I am doing work. I’ve continued to do my big commercial job without any delays. I’ve managed to move furniture around, install a new door to my closet in my bedroom, and do laundry. I’ve edited on FRAMELINES and a Cell Phone Monologue; booked some upcoming shoots and started scheduling. It’s not like I’m paralyzed.

I just feel… like there’s a hole. It wasn’t there for the last several months. Now it’s here again. Why now? This is nowhere near the lows I experienced a few months ago, but I am inexplicably angry. Frustrated. It simply feels like something is missing, but nothing is missing.

Both my cats are on the new couch, thus leaving no room for me. There’s a new door on my closet replacing the flimsy cheap plastic accordion thing that bothered us so much for 8 years. All of $32 and about 20 minutes work to remedy that. I’ve started to develop the ‘team’ I so desperately needed, and with it comes the avalanche of creative projects.

I’m even going full tilt boogie with the Facebook War, which I am clearly winning. This is what happens when OCD goes toe to toe with ADHD. My brain needed a minor improv exercise. Still waiting for a worthy opponent, but this is a nice distraction, like solitaire or mocking a 3rd grader or playing chess against a retarded monkey after it had a lobotomy. You know, something to pass the time.

I just wish I could fill this void. I’m not without happiness right now, which is a big improvement over last year. I’m still motivated, still working. I just don’t like feeling this hole. It will go away in a few days once I get closer to shooting again. In 2000 when I first started making movies, I didn’t have anything to compare this to.


Categories: blog

Peter John Ross

A filmmaker, a dreamer, and the world's only Dan Akroyd Cosplayer


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