Want to know what I just realized? 14-15 years ago when I started to become a filmmaker, I dreamed about working at a studio, having a lighting grid, an office with an editing machine, and constantly having projects to work on. I am living that dream right now. That makes me feel grateful, to the universe, to my boss, to karma, to everyone who played a role in getting me to where I am today. The fantasy was looking at a studio and thinking to myself, “If I had a studio like this, I would always be making stuff!” and it feels like the last year or so has been all about getting my head BACK to that space where I was creating things all the time. Now I kind of AM doing that. I know there’s a greenscreen stage on the other side of the wall where I edit for clients, so taking an hour break to go in there with the Sonnyboo Intern Army and shooting something, then those guys editing it, and I take it to add graphics and sound at the end just seems more like that giddy enthusiastic filmmaker I used to be.
Positivity and creativity working hand in hand. I believe a huge part of what has rejuvenated me has been this subconscious throw back to what made me fall in love with making movies in the first place. The entire process of creation has me excited about life again.
I had lost that thrill, that motivation for a few years. I’ve got it back now and it feels AMAZING. All I want to do is make movies all the time. And I am. That’s how I felt when I first started and I have fallen in love with it all over again.
Good lord this project is already spinning my head like a top. Keeping everything straight when working with 500+ individual spots means having to be always on my toes, always paying attention, and since I cannot have a plethora of caffeine, a need to get sleep which means later starts and later nights.
So my stomach is killing me. MRSA opened up a hole in my back… again. And with a lack of sleep, gout is just waiting to come back. Plus, for some unknown reason, my back is hurting every time I sleep in my bed. SOMEHOW, I am still maintaining a positive attitude.
If I’m alive in a year, things will be awesome.
“She’s convinced she could hold back a glacier but she couldn’t keep Baby alive”
– Tori Amos