So far on the holiday weekend, little to nothing in my projects have been done. I ate almost my weight in food between cookouts, graduation parties, dinners with friends, and food about to expire. I did get out and see a few movies in the theater. Still struggling to watch movies at home, still struggling to stem the tide of Internet surfing. Better is not good. More productive, less meandering. Casting for the podcast series will begin soon. I have some people in mind, others are fully cast, and the rest I will find in auditions. It’s been over 2 years since I’ve done full auditions. I love this process. It’s amazing how many times you meet an actor you wind up using in some other project later.
My physical training (simply walking) has continued. I need to be stronger for shoots. My health has gone to hell in a handbasket the last few years. I walk about 4-5 days a week, anywhere from 1-4 miles. I’ve gotten so physically lazy that walking a moderate pace for 1 mile can wind me. Standing up for a 6 hour shoot can wear me down. I’ve been working hard the last year to fix that. It’s going okay, but I think I hit a threshold for weight loss until I change my diet.
I get lost in my iPod and it’s like a trance. Unfortunately, my mind works during this time and I go to dark places. I’m generally happy these days except on my long walks. I contemplate things that bother me. My rage comes and goes in waves. I have questions that have no answers. As my time grows short on this world, I lament the loss of a huge chunk of it, wasted and given in the most useless folly – sadly someone else’s.
I want to stop feeling like that. So many good things are happening to me. Revelling in victories should be enough. I’m no where near the lows of 6-7 months ago. I just wish my mind wouldn’t go towards the black pits of worthlessness.
YOUTUBE CLIP FOR PJR BLOG: