It’s been a year almost to the day since I ended my long term relationship. What an incredibly odd 12 months this has been. Before the relationship dissolved, I was already in a state of mild depression. I couldn’t make a movie and all I want to do is make movies, long or short. It was a creative form of impotence. I don’t have that problem anymore. Weirdly, my relationship was a crutch. I wasn’t hitting rock bottom because at least I had a girlfriend. Well, circumstances allowed THAT to go away. Then I found that lowest layer of feces and a few feet below that was where I wound up. Still couldn’t break through and MAKE something.
In December I forced myself to do a shoot for FRAMELINES that was purely for demonstration purposes. The goal was to get back on set, talking to actors, explaining to a cinematographer, and editing with someone else. It worked, I went from that to some greenscreen shoots on the webseries, two cell phone monologues, and some prep work on the next feature film.
Now I’ve got 2 Telly Awards. Next week we find out if we’re nominated for an Emmy. Things are happening.
Even with my expenses tripling, I carved out some cash for ME. I’ve been able to get some nice things, new clothes, shoes, etc. One of the things I am most proud of is making the condo livable and acceptable for guests.
My house is in order. I’ve got all new colors on the walls, new furniture, nice art, shelves for all my books, a kick ass bed, and even the cats are happier. That’s the point I guess. I’m happy. The boys of Rossdonia are all content. I am in a very good place right now.
No, I do not look back on the 10 year relationship with the slightest amount of fondness. I fail to reconcile the things I did do wrong with how I was treated. It’s been a year and I cannot forgive someone who doesn’t regret doing horrible things to another human being, albeit unintentionally. A friend recently told me that all I can do is forget and move on. That’s getting easier, just not easy.
Now if only I could get my health to be on board with everything else going positively in my life…
YOUTUBE CLIP FOR PJR BLOG: