What an odd time in my life this is! I’m truly getting happy. Not from external sources, as in no woman is making me happy (or miserable). Money doesn’t bring me joy, nor does this jubilation come from anything other than waking up and feeling good about what I am and what I am doing. The last few years have led me here, to this place where I am content. From having this house I love to the friends I have now, I have a hard time picturing life getting much better than this, but I could be wrong. Maybe it can get even better. I got so used to life being such a miserable experience. I let myself get torn down by some negative wretches and naysayers.
I’ve managed to pick myself up, dust off and start over. I did this a lot slower than most. Stemming from a bizarre childhood, rife with adventures and the exploration of some of the darkest corners of humanity, only to get knocked down by domesticity.
Now I feel like I have a better balance between my art and life. Getting to the point of owning a house, a new car, and juggling all of that into health as I continue to slide into middle age doesn’t stress me out. Acceptance makes for a more chilled existence.
I’ve slipped a lot of late on creating new works. Even at its worst, the brain has not stopped working on creative things. That’s the beauty of this; the mind can make things before the rest of you can keep up.
I will say that part of my balance at the moment comes from my weakness. I have espied some of the people who might be considered “enemies“, those who have wronged me or have ill will towards me. Seeing that they are the architects of their own demise, doing unto themselves more damage than any external force ever could, does reinforce my beliefs in karma. I do not wish harm on anyone, but I cannot feel much sympathy for people who cannot see their own flaws or work to make themselves better.
My mantra rings true, even now. BE A BETTER MAN. I endeavor to. Every single day.
“Mark my words
This love will make you levitate
Like a bird without a cage”
– Katy Perry