Tangerine

I don’t believe life is simply black and white. Only ignorant people view the world in absolutes. As bad as things have been lately, in context, compared to how other s might be faring in the world, I am becoming aware that I need to list things I am grateful for. I must be sure to know that not everything is bad. 
I have had some friends really come through for me in my time of need these last few months, even though I have been less social and even less good as a friend in the past. With people who helped me with my injury, to paint, move furniture, do repairs, and clean, I can truly say that I am fortunate beyond what I deserve.

And this clearly leads to the fact that I have a home. It was questionable for me to buy this condo from my ex. It wasn’t in my name at all. My neighborhood is pretty terrible, but strangely I have become attached to this place. It is my home. And now it is much much more MINE than it ever was before. I don’t know if my depression was partially to blame or if it was a psychological block because I was in no way the owner of the place, but in the past I did not set out to do repairs or paint. This was a fault of mine and I have to take responsibility for this.

Now, I (meaning the aforementioned friends) have transformed this into a nice place, a livable space I am proud to call my home. From the bedroom to the first floor to the basement library, I love my condo. I love coming home and I’m not ashamed to have people over. More and more, I am having people stop by.

I have been making enough money to keep my place without a roommate. That’s no small feat. I’ve been incredibly lucky thus far. My expenses more than tripled with the break up, and I have managed to make things not only work out, but to have enough extra to get a new couch, new wall art, some pictures, and paint and the supplies I’ve needed to put the home together, not to mention a vacation.

My health has slowly returned to me. I may never be fully over the MRSA, but I have since lost a ton of weight. I am still walking a lot and eating better. I have a new gym membership to add swimming and free weights to my program, plus to continue through the winter months.

Finally, what I am most grateful for are my cats. It’s pathetic I know, but I have never been too concerned about self image. My boys have been the brightest spot of my life during the break up. I have “V” who sleeps on my bed with me almost every night and little Lorenzo who has so much sweetness that I’ve eaten Reese Cups (a lot of them) that weren’t half as sweet as him. Lorenzo loved my ex and I felt so horrible about keeping him. I just loved him so much and couldn’t bare the idea of not having him. I am grateful to my ex for letting me keep him.

Know what? My life could be a lot worse. I have a lot more good going on than it felt like the last few months. If I don’t stop and take notice or express appreciation, it will all be for naught.