I’m still swimming in a sea of malaise. There is a lot of potential in one aspect of hope and that’s in Accidental Art. I want to make this movie damn it. It’s been ripe ever since we got the script in order. I’ve let too much affect my confidence. Depression swirls around my head and my heart. Betrayal is my new girlfriend, and that’s because it’s the same at the old one. I try to shove aside the anger. The bile and hate stick in my throat. I’m choking on the memories since they’ve all turned to ash.
Time to get up. The bell rings and I need to answer it. This isn’t a mystery. The solution is simple. Make the movie I am meant to make. This is what I should have made first, although it would not be as good as it will be when it gets made now.
It’s embracing my destiny. It’s just that I never thought I would do this part alone. I thought it was something I was going to share with someone else, in all it’s gore and glory. My triumphs and failures for the unit, the team.
My path now seems to be very much alone. That’s neither good nor bad. It’s just not how I wanted it. My sole apprehension seems to be the differentiation from my inability to accept this change versus the reality.
Fate dictates my future now. My decisions rely on the predetermined more than free will. I’m just trying to keep my head above the compulsion to end everything rather than start over.