So, it looks like my health ain’t gonna be great for a while. My body can’t fight off infections anymore. My white blood cell count is down. Still waiting on results about my kidneys. All this going on after a break up of a 10 year relationship, and I still can’t figure out why I still have my writer’s block. Sometimes I question if I really did have a 3rd grade education. Maybe I should have had been held back. I can be really stupid sometimes. Life doesn’t exactly suck too terribly right now. I have no real enemies. I have very few regrets in life, at least that hasn’t already been dealt with in some way. If I were to die, as unlikely as that might be, I think I’d be okay with it. I’m not suicidal. Quite the opposite really. I have no fear of death. I feel I’ve done more good than bad.
Last night I went to the grocery store to stock up since I got paid on Friday. I’ve been cooking a lot more, saving money, but also because I love to cook. In line in front of me was a handicap woman in one of those scooters. She was on welfare. She only had an $87 credit and she had to take the candy off her cart that she gave to kids at church. I had a fiver in my pocket and I paid for her candy and gave it back to her. I don’t know why I did that. I’ve done a few things like that from time to time. It happens as random as writing about it now.
I have taken in one kitten, the great Lorenzo Lamas Jones, and found homes for two more in the last year or so. My love of animals, especially with my cats has fundamentally changed me. Life can never suck so much when I’ve got a few fuzzy balls of love running around my feet. When I was younger, a heartbreak stopped everything. I’d skip work, not eat, nor sleep, and everything a lovelorn youth would do. I’m 40 years old. Life doesn’t stop just because someone you love doesn’t love you anymore.
I still go to work. I teach. Strangely, my life isn’t actually that different. Some things are even better. Life goes on until it doesn’t. I have time to reflect back on all I’ve done and not done. I don’t think this is the end for me. If it turns out to be, then it’s not a bad stopping point either. Sure, I might not get to finish the all 3 HOBBIT movies or see the end of GAME OF THRONES, but I don’t think that’s what I’m really living for. That really is the question though, isn’t it? What am I living for?
I know my answers. Do you?