Last night, forgot my laptop at school. Instead, I had a pen and a notepad. Shockingly, I wrote down exponentially more ideas that way than I would have if I had typed them into Google Docs. From marketing ideas, shooting notes, potential locations, brand new ideas, scenarios for scenes, priorities for production order, and even a little revenge; a ton of ideas flowed, almost because I was without the distractions of the internets. As the creative side of my life flourishes, the personal side wanes. I have many frustrations in the last several days. Whereas the creative was making the other easier, my penchant for mistakes kicks in. BE A BETTER MAN, the mantra sometimes fails me, or better said, I fail it. I must overcome and strive to be something more honorable than what I have been. At least my idiotic decisions manufacture for creative fodder.
Hopefully the warm weather means I can get to the parks and walk more. I can’t wait for this stressful job to wrap up. I’ve got weeks to go. I want to just skip to the part where financial security and free time open up so I can get to all this work I want to do for myself. The denial of my own work may be contributing to my waning personal attitudes.
I’m not completely obtuse or unaware of my self. There’s no such thing as bad luck. Sometimes you just have to concede you make shitty decisions.
“Accepting all I’ve said and done, I want to stand and stare again, until there’s nothing left undone.”
– Peter Gabriel