I hate feeling like this. It’s staring in the face of a long list of work and nothing is motivating me to jump at it. All I can do is dive in and just DO some of it. Find the groove and force myself to get to that creative place. I will not let myself fall into the funk again. Sunday I’m going to premiere a new piece at the MOFA screening. Unfortunate circumstances will prevent me from attending the screening myself. If you’ve ever read this blog before ever, you will most likely have read why I make movies. There is NOTHING, and I do mean NOTHING that compares to sitting in a dark room with a bunch of strangers to watch your own movie flicker on the screen. That is WHY I make movies.
My reverence for that experience is also why I cannot attend. My ex has a movie playing at the screening, and because I don’t want there to be an issue, I am deferring my holiest of filmmaking experiences to her. She has a lead role in a 9 minute movie and my 90 second piece is not a part of the contest, so in my logic brain – she gets to go and I can’t.
No, there is no restraining order or anything like that. I don’t want to see her and she don’t wanna see me either. My presence would either rob her of the positive experience of the screening or she would leave/not show up. I cannot abide that, even if it means I don’t get the same experience that makes life worth living for.
It’s okay. I’ve seen a lot of my movies this way. I’m not sitting idly by, as later this year, I may have MANY theatrical movie opportunities.
YOUTUBE CLIP FOR PJR BLOG: