When Lights Are Low

Time. It’s nothing more than a measurement of things moving through space. Yet we put such an emphasis on it, like our lives depend on time. We mark time with the Earth’s rotation in concert with its rotation around the sun. Whenever we think we have mastered time, we lose it. We often want more time or time to stand still, but it never works any way except the ever consistent march forward. I accept the consistency and infuriating reliability of time. Knowing when yours has run out means dealing with this reality. Luckily, I might have some more free time soon. That means completing more work of my own, doing the things that make my soul sing. I must hold on to the good and let go of the bad.

I’m excited to have a bit of time off soon. More keeps falling on my plate. That’s not a bad thing. Making money when there’s money to be made never sucks. Money doesn’t buy me happiness. Making things, creating content that has some purpose; that makes me happy. Ever since I was 16, I learned to dislike money and what it does to people, what it did to me. Money became my anathema.

Sure, I could make more money or take another job or do a lot of things differently. None of which would bring me joy or light into my world. I’d sacrifice what ultimately makes me who and what I am.

I cannot speak as to what other people need or want, nor can I judge them for their views. Ignorance and selfishness are a part of the world, whether we like it or not. I chose to live my life as I best I can.

My hand is swollen from MRSA. It hurts like hell. All I can do is suffer through it. Lifting weights actually makes it worse. Increased blood flow means more pain. That also means the infection can spread more effectively through my system.

I still need to work out, increase my heart rate and lose weight. It’s a damned if I do, damned if I don’t situation.

“Here comes the rain again. Falling on my head like a memory. Falling on my head like a new emotion. I want to walk in the open wind. I want to talk like lovers do. I want to dive into your ocean “
― Eurythmics